What the cool kids are doing these days: 

1. Wearing the princess silly bandz, not the animal, or lord forbid, the “texting” ones. 

2. Sporting shudder shades with lens, not without. 

3. Trying really hard not to like Justin Bieber. 

Yes, it’s time for my semi-annual visit with my 14-year old niece and 12-year-old nephew. A time when I brush up on all things young and hip that I haven’t the slighest clue about and try not to look like a fuddy duddy.

Though in my own deluded mind, I consider myself somewhat privy to fads and youth culture (I mean, I too shop at Forever 21!), time and again, I realize my knowledge primarily comes from celebrity gossip mags and maybe what I see on a random trip to the mall.

There are whole worlds out there I know nothing about. Cobra Starship’s “fangs up”? The dance “the jerk”? I have no use for these gestures in my daily life—when I write in coffee shops among introverts disguised as novelists, or copyedit at a paper that’s median age demographic is, at best, 73—but the sociologist in me feels I must be aware of these trends, study them, understand them. I must be relevant! 

Okay, so it’s really a pride thing. I refuse to turn into (or be categorized as) the lame oldie who learns about the latest drug crazes and body mutilation fads from Dateline specials. 

So while I may not understand the appeal of 3OH!3 or whatever the next boy band du jour is all about, what I do have are these nuggets of trend knowledge, courtesy of my niece and nephew, to look superior over my own peers. Do you know what the cool kids are doing this summer, friends? Did you say, not wasting their time blogging about how irrelevant those semi-old people are? Those should-be-but-aren’t parental types who still dress in Forever 21 clothes, have roommates and eat cereal in bed?* Yeah, probably not. 

*Or answer imagined questions?